For the Days That Feel Heavy, Come Back to This

I wrote this for the mornings when the day feels heavy before it has properly begun. I have run Flux on my own since 2013, and there have been plenty of those mornings: the list is already too long, sleep was patchy, and everything seems to need me at once. This is what I try to remember on them. If today is one of those days for you, it is yours too.

You are not behind

On a heavy day it is easy to believe everyone else has worked out something you have missed. They have not. Most people are carrying something you cannot see, and a hard day is not proof that you are failing at life. It is a hard day, and it will pass. You do not need to make it remarkable or earn your way out of it. Getting through it with a bit of kindness towards yourself is enough.

Start with one small thing

When everything feels like too much, I pick one thing small enough to do right now. A glass of water. Opening the curtains. Answering one email instead of all of them. Walking to the end of the street and back. None of these fix the day, but each one reminds me that I can still move, and the next small thing is usually a little easier than the first.

It helps me to write that one thing on paper and cross it off when it is done. It is a small, satisfying mark on a day that otherwise feels shapeless.

Talk to yourself like someone you love

The voice in my head can be hard on me on these days. Lazy, behind, not enough. I have learned to notice it and ask what I would say to a friend who told me she felt this way. I would not tell her to try harder. I would tell her to eat something, go to bed a bit earlier and let the rest wait until tomorrow. That advice is usually right for me as well.

Let some of it be good

Heavy days still have good pieces in them, even if they are small: a message from a friend that makes you laugh at the wrong moment, sun on the deck, rain against the window, the first coffee. I am not suggesting you talk yourself out of how you feel. Only that you let those pieces count too.

If you would like a few more practical ideas for these days, we have put together a checklist for the hard days that you can keep somewhere handy.

When it is more than a heavy day

Sometimes a heavy day turns into a heavy week, or longer, or the weight feels bigger than you can manage alone. Please do not carry that quietly. Talk to someone you trust, or to your GP. In New Zealand you can call or text 1737 at any time, free, to talk with a trained counsellor. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 111. Reaching out is not a failure. It is a sensible, brave thing to do.

The short of it

You are not too late, and you are not alone. Do one small thing, speak to yourself kindly, and let tomorrow be a fresh go at it. Come back to this whenever you need to.

Emma