Designing a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From | 15 Lessons from Brianna Wiest
Brianna Wiest's words offer more than just inspiration—they offer a roadmap back to yourself. In this post, I’m sharing 15 of my favourite takeaways from her work, especially the insights that align with the heart of our Designing Happiness series. These lessons have shaped the way I think about home, habits, healing, and the kind of quiet joy we can cultivate in everyday life. If you’ve ever longed to feel more grounded, more purposeful, and more at peace in your own world—this one's for you.
Designing a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From
15 Lessons from Brianna Wiest
“True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake…
It is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.”
— The Mountain Is You
This quote is a cornerstone of everything we believe in Designing Happiness.
Yes, we love the candles and the cushions and the slow Sunday rituals—but not as decoration.
As declaration.
To design a life you don’t need to escape means crafting a home that doesn’t overstimulate you.
A calendar that doesn’t run you ragged.
A bedroom that whispers rest.
A bathroom that feels like an exhale.
This is not about surface. It’s about safety.
1. “Rituals are how we ground ourselves when life feels unsteady… They’re not routines, they’re reminders.”
— 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think
Rituals are not about perfection or productivity. They’re about creating gentle anchors in our days that bring the body and mind into rhythm. In a world that often feels unpredictable and fast-paced, repetition becomes a balm. A morning stretch, an evening candle, the quiet act of folding laundry with intention—these are not small acts. They’re stabilisers.
Design reflection: Infuse your space with rhythmic rituals. Keep your morning tea station uncluttered and beautiful. Use scent or sound to mark transitions in your day. Build design into your habits so the moment you enter a space, your body knows how to feel.
2. “Your new life is going to cost you your old one.”
Transformation isn’t just about adding new things—it’s about releasing the ones that no longer serve you. Whether that’s an unhealthy relationship, an outdated identity, or a cluttered corner of your home that still carries old energy, change begins with letting go. And that can be hard. But it’s also where freedom begins.
Design reflection: Honour this truth in your physical environment. Declutter what feels heavy or misaligned. Remove the things that speak to a version of you you’ve outgrown. Then, let your home reflect the new life you’re welcoming in.
3. “You are not lazy, unmotivated, or stuck. After years of living in survival mode, you are exhausted.”
This quote reframes everything. We often internalise burnout as failure, when in reality it’s the body’s cry for restoration. Survival mode keeps us alert, reactive, and disconnected from joy. The antidote isn’t doing more—it’s doing less with intention.
Design reflection: Style your home with rest in mind. Choose furnishings and layouts that invite you to pause. Keep soft blankets where they’re easy to grab. Choose lighting that helps your nervous system downshift. Let your space say, “You are allowed to rest now.”
4. “Sometimes we don’t need advice. Sometimes we just need permission to feel.”
— When You’re Ready, This Is How You Heal
We spend so much energy trying to fix or avoid difficult emotions. But the first step to healing is allowing yourself to feel without judgment. Sadness, grief, overwhelm—these don’t need to be exiled from your home. They need somewhere to land.
Design reflection: Create corners that hold emotion. A chair for journaling. A window seat to cry by. Use cushions, textiles, and gentle textures to invite softness. Let your home be a sanctuary where you don’t need to be “okay” all the time.
5. “Self-sabotage is just self-protection.”
When we procrastinate or fall into old habits, we’re often trying to protect ourselves from perceived danger—rejection, failure, pain. These behaviours are messages, not mistakes. Recognising them with compassion is how we move forward.
Design reflection: Remove resistance in your space. Keep your goals within reach—literally. If you want to journal more, leave your notebook on your nightstand. If you want to drink more water, place a carafe where you’ll see it. Make the path of support as smooth as possible.
6. “You do not heal by going back to what broke you.”
Healing is not about proving you’re strong enough to withstand the same old hurt. It’s about choosing differently—building a new environment that supports the version of you that no longer tolerates what once hurt you.
Design reflection: Shift the energy of spaces that carry emotional residue. Redecorate that corner of your bedroom. Replace that artwork that no longer resonates. Small changes create powerful energetic shifts. Choose freshness over familiarity.
7. “Your triggers are pointing you toward the work.”
Triggers aren’t the enemy. They’re the signal that healing is still needed. Instead of avoiding them, we can trace them—gently—to their root.
Design reflection: Use frustration as a design cue. If a cluttered bench makes you snap or a disorganised cupboard overwhelms you, redesign the experience. Bring order, flow, and beauty into that space. You’re not just tidying—you’re tending to your inner world.
8. “Sometimes the thing that’s falling apart is actually falling into place.”
Chaos often precedes clarity. When things fall apart, it doesn’t always mean you’ve failed—it might mean life is reordering itself in your favour.
Design reflection: Embrace imperfection in your home. You don’t need every room to be finished to start living beautifully. Let candles glow next to boxes. Style the in-between. Celebrate the middle of the story, not just the polished ending.
9. “It is not your job to be everything to everyone.”
— 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think
There is deep peace in realising you don’t have to keep performing. You don’t need to fill every role or say yes to every request. Your life deserves space to breathe.
Design reflection: Protect your peace through physical boundaries. Create a “just for you” space, even if it’s only a chair or a drawer. Let parts of your home be sacred and off-limits—not out of selfishness, but out of self-preservation.
10. “The moment you decide to stop abandoning yourself is the moment everything changes.”
Self-abandonment can be subtle—overcommitting, ignoring your intuition, silencing your needs. The shift begins when you choose yourself, even in small, quiet ways.
Design reflection: Design for devotion to self. Make space for what supports you: a skincare ritual, a meditation mat, your favourite mug. Let your environment show your inner world that you are no longer ignoring it.
11. “You don’t need to be more like them. You need to be more like you.”
In a world full of comparison, it’s easy to forget that your life—and your home—should reflect you. Not the algorithm. Not the trend cycle. Not someone else’s path.
Design reflection: Resist the urge to copy and paste. Tune into your own preferences. What feels beautiful to you? What makes you feel grounded, calm, and inspired? Let your taste guide you more than the trends.
12. “A beautiful life is a curated one.”
Curation is not about scarcity—it’s about selection. You don’t need more to be happy. You need the right things. The things that honour your story, support your habits, and nourish your nervous system.
Design reflection: Let go of what clutters your life—physically and emotionally. Curate objects, schedules, and rituals that reflect your values. Let your home become a living mood board of the life you want to live.
13. “Don’t shrink your life to meet your comfort zone; expand your vision to meet your standard.”
Growth often requires us to step beyond familiar routines and environments. While comfort zones offer safety, they can also limit our potential. Embracing a broader vision for your life means allowing your surroundings to reflect your aspirations, not just your current state.
Design reflection: Reimagine your spaces to inspire and challenge you. Incorporate elements that reflect your goals and dreams—be it artwork that motivates, a workspace that fosters creativity, or a reading nook that encourages learning. Let your home be a canvas for the life you're striving to build.
14. “One day, you will look back on this time, and all you will see is magic.”
In moments of struggle or transition, it's hard to see the value in our experiences. Yet, with time, these periods often reveal themselves as pivotal chapters of growth and self-discovery. Recognizing the potential in the present can transform our perspective and infuse our daily lives with purpose.
Design reflection: Create spaces that celebrate your journey. Display mementos that remind you of challenges overcome and lessons learned. Design areas in your home that encourage reflection, such as a meditation corner or a journal station, to honor your ongoing evolution.
15. “Please, take this life while it's still yours.”
Life's impermanence is a powerful motivator to live authentically and fully. Delaying joy or self-expression can lead to missed opportunities for fulfillment. Embracing the present moment encourages us to align our environments with our true selves.
Design reflection: Infuse your home with elements that bring you joy now. Whether it's using your favorite china daily, painting a wall a bold color you've always loved, or arranging fresh flowers just because—let your space reflect the life you want to live today.
“If the path is unclear, it is because you are meant to create your own.”
There’s no universal blueprint. Only the daily invitation to ask:
What helps me feel safe?
What brings me into rhythm?
What reminds me I am alive, held, and whole?
Let Beauty Be the Beginning
Real transformation starts with compassion—not with control.
When you design for your nervous system, your emotions, and your truth, you’re not just decorating a home.
You’re honouring a life.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to change.
You are allowed to make beauty part of your healing.
Related reading: If this post resonated with you, you might also enjoy “12 Psychology-Backed Ideas for a Feel-Good Home”, which explores how your environment can support mental wellness. For more on using rituals to ground your day, visit “Heirloom Moments: How to Create Traditions That Last Generations”. And if you’re looking to bring softness and sanctuary into your space, don’t miss “Grounding Corners: 5 Cozy Nooks That Make You Feel Instantly Calm”.
